Trust

My trust is a hard thing to earn. I’m a naturally suspicious person. My anxiety causes me to overthink everything. I’m paranoid and scared of everything, particularly anything new. So when I meet people I can seem standoffish and rude. I don’t mean it, in a way it’s a defence mechanism, by not corresponding I protect myself from potential danger.

It takes me a long time to allow myself to trust someone. For some people, it could be a couple of days, others could take months. Forging a bond of trust over that amount of time is difficult. It’s a long process of me being able to believe in someone else. To know that they will stand by me and support me. That they will keep their promises and not hurt me. If I’ve been able to override my naturally cautious nature then I wholeheartedly trust you. It means I’ve worked on my fears in order to have faith in you. I’ve become comfortable with you. I have let myself be open and honest with you. I have let you in to my most personal thoughts and feelings.

So if you break my trust, you help my anxiety. You pander to my paranoia. You feed my innermost fears. Once that trust is broken, it can never be restored. No matter how hard I try to resolve my hurt and anger towards a person who broke my trust, I will never be able to open myself up with them again. The voice inside me will use this to stop me getting close to new people.

I try to forgive those that have hurt me, but I never forget. Every time I see them, I will remember. Your actions will change my future and my thoughts in ways you will never understand. Trust is a privilege, if you break it, you will never have it again.

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